Mindhack | Coregulation for lovers

Morning lovers! πŸ‘«πŸ‘¬πŸ‘­β€πŸ¦„ not just heterosexual lovers but any lovers (I liked the colours on the image dont shoot me!)

Coregulation is the act of intentional soothing of your nervous system to help another person feel safe. It works because our nervous system has evolved through the Ventral vagal complex to use social cues as a way preventing mobilsation or fight/flight mode being activated. We are social beings! And literally wired so that our wellbeing depends on social connection. So how can we use this to help our intimate relationships? Our upper ventral vagal complex is linked to our vocal codes, facial nerves, eyes and ears. So these are our cues! The simplest ways to coregulate with our partner to soothe is to connect by:

1. Softening muscles around the eyes. If someones feeling anxious they will misread concerned eyes as fearful or even angry.

2. Warm melodic voice tone. Longer vowel sounds. Mothers naturally do that with their babies and it’s called ‘motherese’ which is a vital part of language acquisition. It also soothes and regulates a jangled nervous system.

3. Warm countenance offering reconnection. Things aren’t always going to be great, that perfectly normal in any partnership. But how we reconnect is the most important part of long term relationship survival.

4. Smile! But genuinely… see the bit about eyes in part 1. Fake smiles dont reach the eyes and we’ve evolved to read the eyes.

5. Touch. Reach out… just a hand on a shoulder, touch fingers. Again this shows a desire to reconnect or maintain safe compassionate connection.

These are just 5 simple ways to utilise our social cues intentionally to help another person feel safe and connected. Relationships are a process of ongoing coregulation but if one or both of you has an insecure attachment it takes a bit more work. So stick with it and help heal each other ❀

#nourishyourself #partnerships #relationships #mentalhealthawareness #mindfulness #healthyeating #psychotherapist #mindful #attachment #positivevibe #nurture #healingvibes #lovers #selfhealers #wellbeing #wellness #selfcare #wellbeingcoach #wellpreneur #wellbeingblogger

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Psychotherapist and coach, mother and lover of the outdoors. Trauma worker, advanced EMDR practitioner, clinical hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner. Helping you be your best possible self.